“If Only” We Could Stop Using These Words

About five years ago, my father-in-law was getting ready to leave the house he and my mother-in-law, Jane (name changed), lived in and wanted to kiss his wife before he left. She was in the middle of vacuuming the stairs and when she came up to kiss him, she slipped and fell down the stairs. The fall put her in a coma for a couple of days and ended up damaging some parts of her brain that control her motor functions. Since then, she’s needed assistance to walk and has a hard time controlling her hands and speech. After my father-in-law died about two years ago, my wife and I, knowing how hard it was for her to live on her own, asked if she wanted to live with us. She said “Yes” and moved in.

At first, everything seemed to be going well. However, after a couple of months, my wife and I noticed something. On almost a daily basis, Jane would call a close friend and complain about me, my wife, our kids, and about life in general. Her comments were hard not to hear since, due to her bad hearing, she speaks very loudly. This article isn’t about how we and our kids are dealing with her comments (that article will be written at another time), instead, it’s about a pattern I’ve noticed in her rantings. Many times, she’ll start a complaint with the same two words: If only. If only she hadn’t fallen down the stairs, if only my father-in-law hadn’t wanted to kiss her, if only he had died before the fall occurred (yes, as disgusting as it is, she has said that), if only her first husband hadn’t died in an electrocution accident, if only her second…