My Own Top Ten Mysteries of Life

It seems to me, after doing some research, that people like reading lists. I thought about it and finally, after much thinking and recovery from afore mentioned thinking, I came up with a list of my very own. Without further ado, I present to you my top ten greatest mysteries of life that haunt me on almost a daily basis.

1. Why do people always call me when I can’t answer the phone? I swear I can sit at my desk at work for five hours straight and not receive one text or call. However, the second I go to the bathroom, start driving, or someone shows up at my desk to talk, my phone starts to go nuts. I can only assume that after marching for many years to my own drummer, I must have gotten out of sync with the rest of the world.

2. Why do people always call when I am literally less than one minute from arriving to wherever they are? If they were only patient for two minutes longer or if I could move two minutes faster, it would save a lot of people a lot of phone calls.

3. What radar do my kids have in their heads that tells them when I’m going to the bathroom? It never fails. I sit down to do my business and a child shows up wanting to talk. It’s quite strange.

4. Why can I not get green traffic lights when I approach an intersection? My family has a running joke when I drive. It started when I told them that when I get to heaven, I’m going to smack the angel who’s in charge of making the traffic lights turn red. Now, whenever we come to a red light (which is most of the time), my kids say, “Stupid Red-Light Angel.”

5. Why do I find myself throwing out so much food when my kids are constantly complaining that they’re hungry? I swear I could feed a small nation with the amount of food we toss out on a yearly basis, and yet, my kids are constantly acting like they’re about to drop of starvation. Perhaps I need to ship them off to a small nation and then I could kill two birds with one stone.

6. Why do my kids ignore me until I sit down to rest or write for a minute (or use the bathroom, as previously mentioned)? I can be working in the yard, garage, or the house and they act like I don’t exist. But the second I sit down for a few minutes; they magically show up (even if they’ve been playing at a friends’ house) and suddenly have nothing better to do.

7. Over the course of my life, I’ve discovered that I have quite the talent for making simple things difficult. For example, I recently…